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Terry Engels

The Discipline of Fatherhood – “Lessons on Avoiding Regret”

Updated: Mar 24, 2023

Wisdom is learning from others mistakes. Having raised 3 children I reflect, some of

these items I will speak of I could have done better. Some I did well. Some I learned

what to do after mistakes. But God is good, He is faithful, He has our children. As they

are His children. Always love your children unconditionally. As God loves us…


Lesson One: Time


“My child arrive just the other day, he came to the world in the usual way. But they were

planes to catch and bills to pay, he learned to walk while I was away...” From the song

the “Cats in the Cradle “by Sandy and Gary Chapin.

To a child love is spelled T.I.M.E.


I’ve heard people say “I would die for my kids “I know I would! If we are willing to go so

far as to die for our children, why is it that we often don’t seem willing to live for them?


Lesson 2: Perfectionist


Fathers do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and

instruction of the Lord - Ephesians 6:4


Perfectionist parents often have trouble letting their kids be kids. We need to let our

kids be kids. They are often times acting their age .It is good to have high expectations

for them, and share these with our children because they will often rise to those levels,

but when they don’t, our reactions and emotional expressions should be controlled.

If we can only learn to control our selfish desires and our tempers, and encourage our

kids we will leave them a great legacy.


Lesson 3: Guard


Not only do we expect our children to behave like adults and respond like adults, in

many ways we also expect them to sift through our culture like adults.


Children are innocent and naive, they are ill equipped to deal with the realities of our

sinful world. When we allow them to be indiscriminately exposed to the secular life

view, we risk losing their fragile, impressionable minds to secular, non-Christian and

even anti-Christian values. So much of our societies images of right and wrong invade

our homes through secular media. Yet many parents are shocked when they find out

exactly what their children are listening to and viewing.


Lesson 4: Encourage


Colossians 3:21 fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become

discouraged..


Hug your children. Love your children, encouragement daily, build them up. Point out

their strengths. Help them find purpose.


Here is a scriptural promise Acts 16:31 Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved

—- you and your household.


Statistics show in 60% of homes when fathers come to faith in Christ first, the entire

family came to Christ. When wives came to Christ first, number dropped to 45%. When

children came to Christ first, 25% of them saw their entire families become Christians.

That would tell us that fathers have a tremendous spiritual influence on the family.

Which brings me to lesson five using that influence to build a spirit of prayer in our

homes.


Lesson 5: Prayer


I can’t think of anything in the world more important for my children then placing their

faith in Jesus Christ and finding his plan for their lives. My prayer list for my children

begins with a request for their salvation and or continuing nurture. But I also have

prayed for these things:


 That there will never be a time they don’t walk with God.

 A saving faith. Or thanksgiving if already a Christian.

 A growing faith, an independent faith. (as they grew up ) A persevering faith.

 To be strong and healthy in mind, body and spirit.

 A sense of destiny( purpose )

 A desire for integrity

 A call to excellence.

 An understanding of their spiritual gifts. And understand the ministry God has for

them.

 Values, beliefs and a Christian worldview.

 Christian disciplines like tithing, saving. Not borrowing money for depreciable

items.

 To sit and work toward Realistic goals, as revealed by the Lord.

 That I can set aside time to spend with them.

 To acquire wisdom.

 Protection from evil, drugs alcohol, sexual sins and disease

 The Mate God has for them ( alive somewhere needing prayer )

 To daily do devotions to grow in their knowledge of the Lord

 Forgiveness and be filled with the Holy Spirit.


 And glorify God in all they do.


Pray with me…Dar Heavenly Father, help me to be the kind of father to my kids that you

are to me. Help me to love them and give them the place you want them to have on my

list of priorities. Help me to be willing to die for them but also to live for them. In Jesus

name Amen

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