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Mark Stouder

Foundations for Biblical Manhood: Identity

Updated: Mar 24, 2023

What is my identity grounded in?


Who am I?


I once was in Canada with my two sons and we had been racing cars up at Mission Speedway. Somehow I misplaced my wallet and I didn’t have my ID to cross back into the USA. It took a long while but I finally got back and then two things happened. One I apparently still thought I was racing and two, I didn’t pay attention to speed limit signs in Sumas. I was across the border for 60 seconds and flashing blue lights were pulling me over. The officer asked me if he knew how fast I was going and I said, well I lost my wallet. He said, “oh so that makes you blind in how fast you were going.?” So besides the speeding ticket, I got fined for not having my ID with me.

Identification is very important not only for driving but also for our own lives. I can ask you what you do. Easy conversation…but if I ask who are you?…little deeper and more thought-provoking.


The formulation of who we are is during our childhood- formed by our family of origin, or who we grew up with. As we grow older we continually check in with those around us and ask “do you accept me“ which is another way of asking the deeper question “do you love me”

If we had performance-oriented parents we felt loved when we did the right thing, whatever that might be. And if we weren’t doing the right thing then love felt withheld and spurn was received instead.


We then tend to gravitate towards becoming whatever we need to for that love and acceptance, if not received from our parents then we seek it from others. It’s a primary need to receive love and acceptance.


As a side note, God is not dysfunctional – he has the ability to discipline us and still shows us, love, at the same time, this builds character rather than tears it down. Even while experiencing his discipline, he never abandons us or says “there sit by yourself and think about what you have done”, He is always by our side. Although we may move away from Him- He will never move away from us.


Jesus says that he came to save the world and not to condemn it, because we stand condemned already. So because of sin we are broken people and find it difficult to get love and acceptance from other broken people. Some call it dysfunction and it is, but its cause is sin- which leads to our brokenness.


In this dysfunction, we often confuse our identity with our assignments in life. Jesus knew his identity as God and the Son of the Father and often went into lonely places to be with him and pray. He also knew his assignments

  1. Call disciples, teach and mentor them and commission them as his legacy.

  2. To suffer and die on the cross for the sins of the human race, past present, and future.

You see when the assignments were finished he still had his identity.


Often we make the mistake of identifying with our assignments and then we experience disconnection when those assignments change or run out. Our assignments could be as a parent, husbands, wives, occupations, hobbies, ministries, etc.

These all can be changed and if our identity is tied to these, then our world is rocked- and we feel we have lost ourselves.


As a parent this assignment changes in the way it looks as they get older and we have to parent differently until we have a fully functional adult on our hands. (Hopefully – I say this somewhat humorously as I don’t know if I am one of those yet)


As a man, oftentimes we identify who we are by our work- that’s why when asked who are you – you might reply well I am Logger or I’m a doctor, or whatever career you have. And why we can plunge into a deep depression if we get to let go at our workplace or have to change a career

Who we really are is who God says we are and as a follower of Jesus committed to Him – my identity is in Christ. I am a Friend and a Son/Daughter in the family of God. That is who I am. The true gospel message is that he has accepted and loves me as his own because of what Christ did on the cross. Having experienced Godly sorrow for my sins the life I now live, I live for Christ and I love Jesus!! And you should see a transformation in me because of this. I won’t be perfect this side of heaven but you will see me fall and get up again. You will see love and forgiveness in my life towards others or honestly there is no transformation. You will see fruit in my life and I walk in the light as He is in the light. And I don’t say this to be proud of me, I say this because that is what it means to be born again – born anew, The only pride I have is in Jesus I am proud of him and what He has done for me and to me– And the father is proud of me because of Jesus, He sees me thru the blood of Christ.. And He sees all of my sins- past present and future and says- you know what your sin doesn’t surprise me I already knew all of it. I am with you through this stuff, I am not disappointed. To have disappointment you must have the element of surprise. God is not surprised to watch my life movie because he has seen it from beginning to end.

This is why my identity is in Christ – because when I am done and finished with all my assignments here on this earth – I will still have Him- because I am His child and friend – that is who I am.


And with God's leading I too will leave a legacy, a legacy of disciples that will carry on the gospel message and live as transformed people who walk in the light and shed Jesus' love and affection to others. And they too with God’s help will have disciples and the Legacy will continue!!

Recognize who you are in Christ and start your legacy.


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